I have had this title for a while... it sat there in the title box, alone, waiting, watching, listening... and the words just didn't follow.
So this morning I am writing what's in my heart, as it comes, and it may seem scattered, but like a collage of this...
and that...
hopefully it will make sense in the end...
These days I am uncertain, uncertain of many things and I am always, always aware of my imperfections.
I often wonder: Am I alone? Does anyone else feel this way?
I often wonder: Am I alone? Does anyone else feel this way?
Imperfection (in blogging, for now) ~
I want a blog that's encouraging... a blog that's happy, beautiful, thoughtful, funny, kind, sharing, and joyful... but that's not always how I feel. It's hard to write those kinds of things when I feel imperfect or uncertain. I would love to be a blogger that presents a blog that is light and airy and dreamy and perfect... I love those kinds of blogs and they are very inspiring! Never a thing out of place, never a typo (ok, Suzanne, you can stop laughing now!), never an out of focus photograph, not a lot of clutter but just enough "stuff" to make you feel warm and cozy and comfortable. That blog ambiance just doesn't happen for me, for some reason I just can't make it work. Instead, I'm always busy, trying to fit 36 hours in a 24 hour day, postponing blogging or making improvements to my blog to take care of things here at home. When I do show up with a post so you don't think I've vanished, my posts sometimes seem intermittent and rambling and in disarray. I don't like that, and yet I keep posting. I really, really wish I could get my blogger act together, and have everything perfectly organized and not in a jumbled mess . :)
***
While reading this, keep in mind that although I want to give you a perfect and lovely blog, I also want you to know there is a human being here, too. One that is always imperfect, one that is sometimes scared and uncertain, and I want to share my heart so that you know the real me, not the online me. I have read many, many articles about building your brand online and creating an online persona to make your business a success. I just can't do that. I am what I am and you get what you see (or read, in this instance). You won't get the personal ramblings on my website that you get here, but somewhere (as in here) I just want you to know me as I am ~ and hopefully you will stick around. :)
***
Uncertainty ~ I could go on and on about that. I am uncertain about so many things, but for now I'll address just my work. I am not telling you this for sympathy ~ well, maybe a little, lol ~ but again, so that you know there is a human being behind Honeysuckle Lane and Simple Joys Paperie. That there are days when business is good and then there are days when it is slow and I am uncertain about the future. Should I continue to believe and have faith and follow my heart and make what I love,
or should I give in to fear and uncertainty ~ just close up shop and find something else? In this economy, I am uncertain about my business and wonder if I can contribute enough to help our family. Our household is supported solely by self-employment. My husband's boss unexpectedly closed his construction business a few years ago, which left my husband and his brothers to find construction jobs on their own. Even with construction work being down a huge percentage, thankfully, they have been able to keep working through these uncertain times ~ they have a great reputation for doing quality work which has been a big plus! But since I do contribute, I worry about my own sales from week to week. I am uncertain, at times, if I am doing what I should be doing.
However, when I have thoughts of uncertainty and doubt, I remind myself of all the things I wrote on my Inspirations page. I remind myself that God blessed me to work from home when my kids were small (and I believe He will continue to bless me to work at home). I was able to work at something I love and still be able to be there for my kids and for my parents. I have to remind myself that God will take care of His own, no matter what may come. Yes, I am human and need to be reminded and reassured ~ a lot!
There are so many passages in the Bible that are comforting and encouraging when I am scared, uncertain, and doubtful. Let me share just a few with you and perhaps, if you have days of uncertainty and worries, these will come to mind and be of help to you:
"Casting all your cares upon him; for he careth for you." I Peter 5:7
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13
"He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust.." Psalm 91:4
"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalm 27:14
"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine." Proverbs 3:5-10
If you made it all the way down here, thank you for listening and for sticking around.
If you'd like to share your thoughts, feel free to leave a comment. :)
Have a blessed day,
Lana
~*~
Uncertainty is part of my life just now in a big way. You've expressed what I think most of us feel at one point or another - some more intensely than others and for longer time periods.
ReplyDeleteBut faith, ah, there's the key - believing without having proof. And we want proof. Certainty.
The verses you shared are so meaningful - casting all our care on our Father God who cares so much for us.
I have no answers for you, only a nod of the head and a hug.
Lorrie
Dear Lana -
ReplyDeleteUncertaintly and imperfection is part of every person's life, just some people don't admit it. :-) I understand the uncertainty of what decision to make next, which direction to go in...it often feels like we're wandering in the wilderness, doesn't it? It's helpful for me to remember that even if I'm wandering in a kind of wilderness, it is God's wilderness and I will learn and grow in some way because of it. Not always easy, not always pain-free.
I adore your block prints, to me they show your artist's heart, going deep into who you are.
Dixie
Lana... thank you so much for sharing. I have also been struggling with uncertainty regarding my business... the profits are so small these days, and the work often draws my attention away from my babies.
ReplyDeleteI have no answers. I continue on because I have faith that it will get better, and I know that my passion to create comes from my Creator.
My own blog solution is to not write much about my business. I'm like you, I have not desire to project a persona that is false. And I don't want to whine or beg or speak words of discontent. So I am purposeful about collecting images and thoughts in a folder... just the things that are inspiring, sweet, happy... and somehow, God has blessed me with enough to continue to share almost every day.
I hope that you are encouraged as you continue on with your blog... I find your photos and words to be inspiring... I appreciate blogs that are more about quality than quantity of posts. I can't tell you if this is a season for you to take a break from your art to work elsewhere, but I can tell you that you have a God-given gift. I see it in your offerings. The aesthetic of your artwork is unique and beautiful, and tells the story that is in your heart, even if your spirit might be feeling dampened.
Lana, I think you just wrote this post for MY blog. Can I copy and paste? :) (just kidding).
ReplyDeleteBut I too feel uncertain and imperfect and all the feelings you mentioned. The creative process; be it a new item, a new blog post, or a creative idea is especially difficult when you are seemingly doing this all alone from your workroom/computer. (But I'm glad you are online b/c I wouldn't have met you otherwise!)
Thank you for sharing your heart and the beautiful verses. Each one is a sweet reminder of God's love for us, and His promise of faithfulness.
ps. I didn't see ONE typo! (But there are probably tons in my comment!) LOL!
Lana...you are not alone! Actually you and I are floating in the same boat. Me & my husband are both self-employed ase well. He is construction, yet his work is like a roller-coaster and very unpredictable. So the majority of the income lies on my shoulders. I struggle everyday to keep going, in fact, it seems all I do is work in order to make ends meet. But I just keep going and doing what I love because I believe that someday I will be rewarded by Him and be able to slow down without worry. So, yes, I am uncertain & definately not perfect....and my blog is not all dreamy like alot of other bloggers. I know I will never be like that, it's just not me. So don't feel alone...I'm right there standing beside you in this crazy internet world ;)
ReplyDeleteDear Lana, As you poured your heart out here, I heard myself. We are lucky to be in this blog community where we can share with like minded people. As I work part-time I hardly support myself enough to travel and eat and pay the rent. Your work is such an inspiration to me, I hope you will keep it up. If I ever get into a home that doesn't have leaky roofs and mouldy ceilings, I'd love to surround myself with such beauty! I, too, love paper and your designs! Hope you are feeling better as time goes on!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Sherry
I've been reading your blog for awhile and it's so nice to meet the real Lana... from one imperfect uncertain heart to another :) xo
ReplyDeleteYou are such an incredible folk artist, and I believe that in good times or bad, there will always be a demand for your work. Imperfections and uncertainties are those terrible twins that hound us all from time to time. We just soldier on and keep faith that God will help us get through the struggles.
ReplyDeletePlease don't get discouraged about your blog. It provides an important avenue for showcasing your work. I think all bloggers have trouble thinking of new things to say and worry about how we can keep things fresh and interesting on our websites.
Hi Lana,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this post. I think everyone faces these feelings. I know I do. My husband for example is disabled and cannot work. Although he gets a monthly social security check, It does not come close to paying the bills. I am now the one who goes off to work daily because we need the extra money and the insurance. I know life would be easier if I gave up my critters but I am not willing to do this. I will not be robbed in this time of my life of doing and enjoying the things I love. Plus I like knowing there is safe place for these critters. God gives us all a time of testing, and if we hanging in there we will be made stronger and blessed a thousand times over when it is done. And as far as my imperfections, I could write a library.
I am thinking of you and sending prayers your way,
God Bless,
Julie
Thank you for having the courage to write what I know most of us feel. I know our God is a BIG God, and he is so faithful to provide. Sometimes in a way so big and unusual, it gets our attention in a big way, sometimes in small, almost invisible ways. I am right there with Wendy and Suzanne and what they wrote, too!
ReplyDeleteI think in our blogworld, where most present only the "best", it may seem that others have it all together. I certainly don't. I struggle with my blog, which has had to become much more about my business than me personally, all the time. Is it fun to read? Are my pictures okay? Is it a blend of just enough personal with fgh? Does it sound boastful? irrelevant? silly?ack.
I have come to {finally!!} hear God's voice saying "keep your eyes on Me" and that is what I'm trying to do.
Now YOU, sweet Lana, are such a gifted artist. I have never left your blog but completely inspired, and with a peaceful, lovely feeling. {and ps. Wendy, your blog is dreamy to ME!} I am praying that God will bless the work of your hands, as you are using the gifts he bestowed on you. Sending you hugs and lifting you up,
xoxo Lidy
Lovely post Lana. Thanks so much for expressing what we all feel in such an elegant way.
ReplyDelete