I have had this title for a while... it sat there in the title box, alone, waiting, watching, listening... and the words just didn't follow.
So this morning I am writing what's in my heart, as it comes, and it may seem scattered, but like a collage of this...
and that...
hopefully it will make sense in the end...
These days I am uncertain, uncertain of many things and I am always, always aware of my imperfections.
I often wonder: Am I alone? Does anyone else feel this way?
Imperfection (in blogging, for now) ~
I want a blog that's encouraging... a blog that's happy, beautiful, thoughtful, funny, kind, sharing, and joyful... but that's not always how I feel. It's hard to write those kinds of things when I feel imperfect or uncertain. I would love to be a blogger that presents a blog that is light and airy and dreamy and perfect... I love those kinds of blogs and they are very inspiring! Never a thing out of place, never a typo (ok, Suzanne, you can stop laughing now!), never an out of focus photograph, not a lot of clutter but just enough "stuff" to make you feel warm and cozy and comfortable. That blog ambiance just doesn't happen for me, for some reason I just can't make it work. Instead, I'm always busy, trying to fit 36 hours in a 24 hour day, postponing blogging or making improvements to my blog to take care of things here at home. When I do show up with a post so you don't think I've vanished, my posts sometimes seem intermittent and rambling and in disarray. I don't like that, and yet I keep posting. I really, really wish I could get my blogger act together, and have everything perfectly organized and not in a jumbled mess . :)
***
While reading this, keep in mind that although I want to give you a perfect and lovely blog, I also want you to know there is a human being here, too. One that is always imperfect, one that is sometimes scared and uncertain, and I want to share my heart so that you know the real me, not the online me. I have read many, many articles about building your brand online and creating an online persona to make your business a success. I just can't do that. I am what I am and you get what you see (or read, in this instance). You won't get the personal ramblings on my website that you get here, but somewhere (as in here) I just want you to know me as I am ~ and hopefully you will stick around. :) ***
Uncertainty ~ I could go on and on about that. I am uncertain about so many things, but for now I'll address just my work. I am not telling you this for sympathy ~ well, maybe a little, lol ~ but again, so that you know there is a human being behind
Honeysuckle Lane and
Simple Joys Paperie. That there are days when business is good and then there are days when it is slow and I am uncertain about the future. Should I continue to believe and have faith and follow my heart and make what I love,
or should I give in to fear and uncertainty ~ just close up shop and find something else? In this economy, I am uncertain about
my business and wonder if I can contribute enough to help our family. Our household is supported
solely by self-employment. My husband's boss unexpectedly closed his construction business a few years ago, which left my husband and his brothers to find construction jobs on their own. Even with construction work being down a huge percentage, thankfully, they have been able to keep working through these uncertain times ~ they have a great reputation for doing quality work which has been a big plus! But since I do contribute, I worry about my own sales from week to week. I am uncertain, at times, if I am doing what I should be doing.
However, when I have thoughts of uncertainty and doubt, I remind myself of all the things I wrote on my
Inspirations page. I remind myself that God blessed me to work from home when my kids were small (and I believe He will continue to bless me to work at home). I was able to work at something I love and still be able to be there for my kids and for my parents. I have to remind myself that God will take care of His own, no matter what may come. Yes, I am human and need to be reminded and reassured ~ a lot!
There are so many passages in the Bible that are comforting and encouraging when I am scared, uncertain, and doubtful. Let me share just a few with you and perhaps, if you have days of uncertainty and worries, these will come to mind and be of help to you:
"Casting all your cares upon him; for he careth for you." I Peter 5:7
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13
"He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust.." Psalm 91:4
"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalm 27:14
"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine." Proverbs 3:5-10
If you made it all the way down here, thank you for listening and for sticking around.
If you'd like to share your thoughts, feel free to leave a comment. :)
Have a blessed day,
Lana
~*~